My women

I love them. It's an addiction, and not one I care to control. Should I go to an addiction counselor? Do I need to call a hotline? Must I stand up and say "My name is Patrick, and I am addicted to women!"?

*Insert record scratch here* I know what you are all thinking. Patrick addicted to women? Is he drunk? Is he referring to Barbra or Liza? No..none of the above. I have a much more current addiction. (In addition to Babs and Liza of course). I, Patrick Flynn, am fully and unabashedly addicted to The Real Housewives. Yes..they are my crack, and Andy Cohen is my adorable dealer.

From the first season of Orange County (which is my least favorite) I have enjoyed my girlfriends as if we are shopping, dining, and gossiping together. I enjoy Sunday family dinners with Caroline Manzo, strut the runway at the Bailey Agency, refuse to go to Quogue with Sonia Morgan, and dine at Villa Blanca with Lisa Vanderpump (which I actually did and she was FABULOUS).

They all seem to have such glamorous lives, and such rich drama. Never in a normal person's life would someone be accused of doing meth while playing a game of "Celebrity" OR admit to dating C. Thomas Howell. Huh? How crazily delicious is that? If they bring up childhood birthday parties with Ally Sheedy, I'm a goner.

So how real is reality tv? I think it's real to the point of basic facts and friendships/relationships. However, normally you won't be out with your worst enemy at a dinner party and then jet off on a vacation with them. If for some reason this did happen, you would be sure to have your own room. "What do you mean there's only one bed left and we have to share it?". Next day, you are best friends. I know this would never happen, and that's what makes it fun.

The microcosm these women live in is crazily incestuous. Everyone shares the same hairdressers, who readily fuel fire. This one knows the cousin of the guy who owns the strip club you once MAYBE danced in. The waitress serving your drink to you is the woman who slept with your husband. It all sounds like an urban legend of diva proportions, but it happens on the Housewives shows. And we all love to boo and hiss as the instigator sits back with a glass of Veuve and watches the fallout.

I love my little hour long escapes from my boring reality of working and paying rent and entering the world of limo transportation for everything and Donkey Booty DVDs.

If possible I would like to spend a day with each cast, try to intersect their lives in some crazy cross country web, and see some drama outside of the circles on the shows.

How great would it be to see Nene or Caroline go off on that crazy fembot attention seeker Faye Resnick? I don't like her at all, but every show needs a good villain..and her hair looks fabulous. :)

Real or not, I'm hooked on Pomeranians with Alopecia, big blonde wigs, Miami breast implants, and Kyle Richards eyeliner and silken hair. What can I say? I'm a whore for the wives. Just don't invite Teresa Giuduce to a dinner where the table is light enough to flip. On second thought, please do...and invite me too. :)

Now, I'm off to the lemon grove to do a cleanse with Yolanda. Don't hate...