She plays the MOM now!?

As someone who's high school evenings were spent basking in the birth of the teen prime time drama, I can honestly say my evenings are STILL spent basking in prime time teen dramas.

While I am writing this blog, I am re-watching Veronica Mars. Love this show from beginning to end. Yes, it's over 10 years old, (Kristen Bell is still adorable today), yet I don't feel old watching it. Not a guilty pleasure, but an all around great tv show.

However, I do feel old, and guilty, while partaking in Tuesday evening high drama with Pretty Little Liars. This show, while fun, highly dramatic, and inane at times, makes me feel like I am 190 years old. Need some reasons why? Here are just a few.

1) The actors are all in their late 20's and playing teenagers. (Not unlike Steve and Andrea on the original 90210) And I'm STILL 10-14 years older than their real ages.

2) What 90210 and Melrose Place had in common was their definitive 90's vibe. People harassed each other in person and on a kitchen phone. Now it's all cyber stalking. So easy to harass from miles away behind a computer screen. Kimberly Shaw would have loved that.

3) (The kicker) The women I loved on TV in the 90's and early 2000's were people like Laura Leighton as crazy badass Sydney Andrews on Melrose Place, Holly Marie Combs as Piper Halliwell on Charmed. (And of course Shannen Doherty straddled both realities). I also adored Lisa Rinna on Days of our lives, Melrose Place, and Veronica Mars. What do these people all have in common?  They are now the MOTHERS on Pretty Little Liars or Real Housewives on Bravo. When did we become the age of the parents?!

I know time is said to "fly" but I feel like I have aged as fast as the the Concorde flew. ANOTHER reference to make me feel old.

What's next? I'll be 50 and flipping through channels to see that the children of the MTV Teen Moms are now preteen moms? Masterchef Senior Citizen? The girls from Pretty Little Liars are grandparents of the Little Pretty Little Liars? The Muppet Babies are Muppet Ghosts?

After seeing bad news after bad news, or hearing negativity all around me, I've decided that I'm too old for bullshit. I've tried cutting negative people out of my life, switching jobs to one that not only satisfies me, but helps others. I'm even researching a welcoming church where I can re-explore my relationship with a higher power. I guess with age comes even more desire to learn about ourselves and find more ways to be happy. Just in different, more well rounded and important ways than we did when we were younger.

So I've decided to embrace my 90's self and enjoy being the age of the prime time parents. However, I'm still going to watch my teen dramas. At least when their hour of overreaching dramatics have come to a close, I can shut off the tv. Now I just need to work on shutting off the TV of dramatics in my life.

By the way, Steve Sanders is REALLY the only one who can save us from tornadoes full of sharks? Who knew the curly mullet in Z. Cavaricci high waisted pants and a silk shirt would come so far?

Until next time....same Pat time...same Pat channel. Oh crap...that's even older!

My women

I love them. It's an addiction, and not one I care to control. Should I go to an addiction counselor? Do I need to call a hotline? Must I stand up and say "My name is Patrick, and I am addicted to women!"?

*Insert record scratch here* I know what you are all thinking. Patrick addicted to women? Is he drunk? Is he referring to Barbra or Liza? No..none of the above. I have a much more current addiction. (In addition to Babs and Liza of course). I, Patrick Flynn, am fully and unabashedly addicted to The Real Housewives. Yes..they are my crack, and Andy Cohen is my adorable dealer.

From the first season of Orange County (which is my least favorite) I have enjoyed my girlfriends as if we are shopping, dining, and gossiping together. I enjoy Sunday family dinners with Caroline Manzo, strut the runway at the Bailey Agency, refuse to go to Quogue with Sonia Morgan, and dine at Villa Blanca with Lisa Vanderpump (which I actually did and she was FABULOUS).

They all seem to have such glamorous lives, and such rich drama. Never in a normal person's life would someone be accused of doing meth while playing a game of "Celebrity" OR admit to dating C. Thomas Howell. Huh? How crazily delicious is that? If they bring up childhood birthday parties with Ally Sheedy, I'm a goner.

So how real is reality tv? I think it's real to the point of basic facts and friendships/relationships. However, normally you won't be out with your worst enemy at a dinner party and then jet off on a vacation with them. If for some reason this did happen, you would be sure to have your own room. "What do you mean there's only one bed left and we have to share it?". Next day, you are best friends. I know this would never happen, and that's what makes it fun.

The microcosm these women live in is crazily incestuous. Everyone shares the same hairdressers, who readily fuel fire. This one knows the cousin of the guy who owns the strip club you once MAYBE danced in. The waitress serving your drink to you is the woman who slept with your husband. It all sounds like an urban legend of diva proportions, but it happens on the Housewives shows. And we all love to boo and hiss as the instigator sits back with a glass of Veuve and watches the fallout.

I love my little hour long escapes from my boring reality of working and paying rent and entering the world of limo transportation for everything and Donkey Booty DVDs.

If possible I would like to spend a day with each cast, try to intersect their lives in some crazy cross country web, and see some drama outside of the circles on the shows.

How great would it be to see Nene or Caroline go off on that crazy fembot attention seeker Faye Resnick? I don't like her at all, but every show needs a good villain..and her hair looks fabulous. :)

Real or not, I'm hooked on Pomeranians with Alopecia, big blonde wigs, Miami breast implants, and Kyle Richards eyeliner and silken hair. What can I say? I'm a whore for the wives. Just don't invite Teresa Giuduce to a dinner where the table is light enough to flip. On second thought, please do...and invite me too. :)

Now, I'm off to the lemon grove to do a cleanse with Yolanda. Don't hate...

Dexter time....

I'm baaaccck. Much like the Terminator or a bad rash, I have returned. Blogosphere, get ready..

 Here I sit in my room here in NYC watching Dexter on demand. Love this show. A serial killer who only kills killers and other bad people. It's kind gross, but also grossly interesting.

 Watching Dexter trying to keep his two "selves" separate, but vital, is a delicate dance. How do you stay a good person and enjoy the good things about life, while you are also contributing to what is the worst in this world? Yes, he kills bad people, but that's wrong....isn't it? Seeing it on a TV show makes it interesting and entertaining. The chase, the retribution, the secrets we are privy to that the people on the show know nothing about. It's all exciting. But how would we feel if Dexter were a real person? I think people would give him SOME slack for getting rid of a small bit of evil in the world. But the realistic portions of our brains would take over and demand punishment.

 I feel like I have dual selves sometimes. Not like Dexter. The only thing I kill when I get stressed is a pizza or a half gallon of egg nog (Hey..its' my one holiday indulgence..let me be.) My dual selves are never at war, and always aware of the other. My daytime self is the people pleaser. It's what I get paid to do, and what I'm good at. Unfortunately, it's sometimes to the detriment of my other self. The quiet homebody who enjoys alone time.

This second self sometimes enables me to be non-social, self deprecating, and bored. Ever since my ankle break, I have felt my personality become more introverted. On the surface, it's not a bad thing. It helps me shut up a little. :) However, I need to find a happy medium between the two. Find "Myself" again. It's gonna take some work, but setting a goal is sometimes the hardest part.

Mmm...Egg Nog....

Crap in General

There are times when I get inspired to write. Sometimes it's because I saw a great film. Sometimes it's because there has been a dramatic change in the world. Sometimes I am just in a really good mood and need to get it all out for the world to see.

Then there are times like these. Where someone or something sets you off on a path where you need to vent about a million things that just all combined at one moment in time..tightening the muscles in your neck until you get a headache.

Here's a list of "To Do's" to stay in my good graces:

1) Shade is for trees. Be honest and up front with me. If you are not interested in doing something, tell me. Don't say yes, and then avoid me.

2) I ain't your mama. Don't utilize me for all your concerns, act like you are coming to me because I am important to you, then hop on the first guy that comes along...and then come back to me when that doesn't work out.

3) If you lie down with dogs. You must be a dog. That's MY take on it. I have had enough people in my life lead me on in relationships, friendships, and work situations. If you are a dog, skulk off to the pound and leave me be. Because when it comes down to it, I have no problem getting you fixed or putting you down.

4) What goes around. Well, it won't be coming around in my house. If you are a tramp, tell me. I like tramps. They are fun at parties. But they will not be in my bed.

5) Don't f*#^k with me fellas. I am not one to hold a grudge, but if you screw me or one of my friends over, know that all my friends will know about it. And I have a LOT of friends. Friends who have the power to bar you from basically any place you want to go in Providence. Ahh..the power. LOL LOL

6) Most importantly. Be an honest person. Don't lie to me, use me, or do any of the like. I am a good person and honor my friends and partners until I can’t honor or give any more. I am one of the most loyal people you will meet, so don't toy with that. I pride myself on that fact, and I don't like people taking advantage of it.


Ok....That's my venting for the day. This is directed at some specific people and also to the general public. Ahh...I feel better. Mimosa, anyone?

Twin Peaks

The Chiller network airs what is one of my absolute favorite shows of all time. Not only do they air it, but they always do it in marathons. I know normally I post regarding a film, but I got inspired watching Twin Peaks today. Plus..they did have an odd "prequel" movie, so it kind of fits my M.O.

I find myself getting lost in the randomness of Twin Peaks. It's a great, yet kooky, freaky, little piece of the world that I think we can all afford to get lost in once in a while. Everyone can enjoy a dancing midget, soothsaying giant, and a lady who talks to logs.

I believe the characters in the show all embody little quirks and traits that parallel people in our own lives.

Let's see...

The log lady: My friend Brian will tell you of the man we used to see frequently at the coffee house we used to go to. He would bring in his stuffed raccoon "Raquel". An odd sight by itself, but throw in the fact he would feed this stuffed toy from his leftovers and have full conversations with it. Not just random things, but full blown scoldings because she was misbehaving. One time he had to take her outside to yell at her so he would not embarrass her in front of the rest of the patrons. I guess it worked because he offered her some lettuce when they sat back down. :)

Andy the deputy: We all have a goofy, gullible, yet pure-hearted person in our lives. That person in my life would be my friend Jackie. She is really smart, but extremely gullible. A sweetheart, but I could convince her I am next in line for the crown in England. And to be honest, I love her that way. She knows she is gullible, and laughs at it. However she is also tricky. She has learned I will will not swear on my father's soul if I am lying. She has tested this boundary and has beaten me. Damn. The meek shall inherit the earth.

Laura Palmer: The poor misunderstood slut. Sure her Dad raped/killed her while possessed buy a demon entity who transforms people's pain into creamed corn and devours it. (Yes...I swear...on my Dad) But I can't really talk about people in my life that she reminds me of because too many of my dear friends are poor, misunderstood sluts. :)

Nadine Hurley: The crazy one eyed housewife with the dream of creating the world's first entirely silent drapery runner. While not one eyed, I do have a few people in my life who are always coming up with the "Next Big Thing". Unfortunately, it's usually something like a glove to wear to get the last pickle out of the jar. (Call Snooki!!) However, it's great to have a dream. So I tell them Keep going! Aim low! Who cares you don't have an idea on how to fix the healthcare system? You created a sippy cup for adults.

Bob: The demon. The evil inside. I guess he is definitely in all of us. No matter how hard we try to be good all the time, we are never perfect. Of course, killing and torturing to get some creamed corn is not my thing, but I can definitely feel a little wicked at times.

Now, who would I compare myself to? Which character to I see within myself? No..I wouldn't say I'm the ever optimistic and smart protagonist Agent Cooper. Nor would I be the sullen, lonely Norma, longing to be with Big Ed Hurley. I think I'm more like a combination of Laura's mom (who is they only one who admits that the whole town is nuts, along with herself) and perhaps a tinge of Catherine Martell....just because I love to imitate Piper Laurie's husky quiver.

All in all, if you haven't seen Twin Peaks, WATCH IT. If you have, re-visit it. Then we can trade quips like "There was a fish....IN the percolator".

Girls just want to have fun.....

An oldie, but goodie. SJP in her prime as a teenager in Chicago trying to get a dancing role on "Dance TV", beat out the rival rich bitch, and keep her new bf/dance partner all while attending Catholic school and hiding her adventures from her parents.

Sure..similar formula to dozens of 80's movies. There was just something about this one that always stuck in my mind. Watching it back today, I found it frivolous and fun. It certainly didn't deserve any Oscars, but it's a great way to pass a couple of hours.

Do you remember being with your friends and feeling like you would literally die if you didn't get that new outfit, cassette tape, or trapper keeper? And I mean LITERALLY..not like Rachel Zoe's literally. You would die from embarrassment or from the bullies who would pick on you, or from the general principal of proving your parents wrong.

Life seemed so complicated. Maneuvering junior and senior high school was a delicate chess game. Which clique do I join? Should I play a sport? What jeans and sneakers (or Topsiders) are in THIS week?

Lord...if only we could go back and tell or earlier selves that these were the times to relax and enjoy ourselves. To tell them that life will never be more simple and uncomplicated than the high school years.

However, times have changed. The same pitfalls we once had are now big and exaggerated. That embarrassing moment can now be recorded on cell phones and uploaded or traded for the world to see. Scarier still is the cute guy or girl next to us can see it. That note you passed in 1990 is now a text message. A message that can be sent to dozens of your classmates in a moment.

No longer can we tear that note up and make it go away. No longer can we get up and leave the lunch room after dropping the lunch tray all over yourself and knowing no one would have to see it again.

I have a niece who is 12. I know each generation says that the younger one is "growing up too fast". However, I feel for the first time, it's too true for words. Children can't get away from silly little problems that come up in daily life. It can carry with them every day. "Frenemies" can tease you with the possibility of sending that message or video to your crush.

This isn't what I want for my nieces and nephews, or for the children I hope to have one day. I want the biggest problem to be the sneakers or the mp3 player. As shitty as it is to be picked on for the little things, I think it beats the alternative.

Too bad the frivolous fun of 80's teen movies can't be the frivolous real life of today's youth.

Now...where did I leave my snap bracelet?

Fools Gold

An average movie, yet one I can flip on at any point and know what's going on...and leave at any time knowing my guilty pleasure will probably be on one of the other 7 HBO channels for me to continue watching later in the day..or week..or even hour. Tango and Cash is another one of these.

Life can seem so simple and relaxed when you slip into a bad, yet comfortable, movie. Kind of like the MC Hammer pants you still have in your drawer from 1990. Comfy history. :)

Tonight I start my blog with "Fools Gold" on the tv in the living room. While perusing the web for remnants of my past, (ex boyfriends and what they are doing today, friends who I have not seen in years, enemies I hope have gotten some rare genital disease), I felt nostalgic. Not really for the past in general, but the "Me" of the past.

I'm about to turn 34. I realize the friends I was once beyond close to are not really in my life anymore. I remember turning 19 and moving to Boston. I remember being comfortable about myself in nearly every way. No....confident is a better word.

I remember hitting every club in the city and never paying for a cover charge or a drink. I remember spending the day in the park with friends laughing.

I remember how it felt to be in the arms of the one I loved...one I have wronged...and vice versa. I remember making new friends and meeting new people on a consistent basis, and being happy to do so. Being happy to share time and stories with new, interesting, and sometimes un-interesting and vapid people. Isn't that what makes the world amazing? Knowing all types of people and considering them friends?

I remember going to work in an atmosphere where I was well liked and valued. A place that I felt I had helped build and mold in some way.

I remember dreaming of being a big theater actor. Auditioning for local and Broadway shows. Getting a call-back. Ah! Amazing.

I remember that fateful day I broke my damned ankle and needed 4 surgeries in 5 months to avoid an amputation. I remember my life never being the same.

I had to switch jobs. I spent less time with friends and more time in and out of the hospital. I gained weight after being comfortable with myself for a brief amount of time in the scheme of things. I withdrew more and more. Moved away from Boston in an effort to hide myself from those I cared most about.

I bounced from roommate to roommate over the years. A few issues here and there, but for the most part I always had a complaint. They were too loud. They bothered me with ridiculous minutiae. Blah blah blah. Yes, I did have some legitimate reasons to not be happy, but for the most part I think I was just not happy with having to share myself in any way.

So, here I sit. A Saturday night where most guys my age are hanging with friends at clubs, or having dinner at a friends house..I sit in my new apartment. By myself. I live alone! Finally! What I have longed for!

Yet I am the absolute loneliest I have ever been.

Here is my proposition to myself. Take care of yourself. Eat healthy, work out. Go someplace you don't normally go and be open to enjoying new experiences. Be open to meeting new people....and re-connecting with old friends.

Easier said than done, huh? I need some sort of motivation. I have glimpses of what my life could be. No...I don't want it to be just like it was...I want it to be better.

I just have to gain the confidence to do that....and I guess that's on me.....